Dating and Relationships

How to Find out What Relationship Attachment Style You Have

Understanding your relationship attachment style is crucial for building healthy and fulfilling connections with others. Attachment theory suggests that our early experiences with caregivers shape our patterns of attachment in adult relationships. By identifying your attachment style, you can gain insight into your relationship behaviors and preferences, as well as how they may impact your interactions with romantic partners, family members, and friends. In this blog, we’ll explore the four primary attachment styles and provide practical tips for determining which style resonates most with you.

Understanding Attachment Theory

Attachment theory, developed by psychologist John Bowlby, posits that individuals develop specific attachment styles based on their interactions with primary caregivers during infancy and childhood. These attachment styles—secure, anxious-preoccupied, dismissive-avoidant, and fearful-avoidant—reflect patterns of behavior and beliefs about intimacy, trust, and dependency in adult relationships.

Secure attachment is characterized by a healthy balance of closeness and independence, with individuals feeling comfortable both expressing emotions and setting boundaries in relationships. Anxious-preoccupied attachment involves a fear of abandonment and a tendency to seek excessive reassurance and validation from partners. Dismissive-avoidant attachment is marked by emotional distance and an avoidance of intimacy and vulnerability. Fearful-avoidant attachment combines elements of both anxious-preoccupied and dismissive-avoidant attachment, resulting in ambivalence and difficulty trusting others.

Identifying Your Attachment Style

To determine your attachment style, it’s essential to reflect on your feelings, thoughts, and behaviors in past and present relationships. Consider how you respond to intimacy, conflict, and emotional needs, as well as your patterns of communication and attachment-related behaviors. Pay attention to any recurring themes or patterns in your relationships, such as a fear of abandonment, difficulty expressing emotions, or reluctance to commit.

Additionally, you can explore online quizzes, self-assessment tools, and resources on attachment theory to gain further insight into your attachment style. These tools may offer questions or scenarios designed to help you identify your attachment patterns and understand how they influence your relationships.

Secure Attachment

Individuals with a secure attachment style tend to have positive self-esteem, trust in others, and effective communication skills. They feel comfortable expressing their needs and emotions, setting boundaries, and navigating conflict constructively. Securely attached individuals value intimacy and connection in relationships while maintaining a sense of autonomy and independence.

Moreover, secure attachment fosters resilience and emotional stability, enabling individuals to navigate relationship challenges with confidence and adaptability. Securely attached individuals are more likely to form stable, supportive relationships based on mutual trust, respect, and emotional intimacy.

Anxious-Preoccupied Attachment

Those with an anxious-preoccupied attachment style often experience heightened anxiety and insecurity in relationships. They may fear rejection or abandonment and seek constant reassurance and validation from partners. Anxious-preoccupied individuals may struggle with self-doubt, jealousy, and clinginess, leading to difficulties in maintaining healthy boundaries and managing emotions.

However, awareness of anxious-preoccupied attachment patterns can empower individuals to recognize and address their underlying insecurities and develop more secure attachment behaviors. By cultivating self-confidence, practicing self-soothing techniques, and establishing open communication with partners, anxious-preoccupied individuals can work towards building healthier, more balanced relationships.

Dismissive-Avoidant Attachment

Individuals with a dismissive-avoidant attachment style tend to prioritize independence and self-reliance over emotional intimacy. They may downplay the importance of relationships, avoid expressing vulnerability or needs, and struggle with intimacy and commitment. Loving someone with avoidant attachment can be challenging, as dismissive-avoidant individuals may struggle to provide emotional support or engage in deep, meaningful connections.

However, understanding the underlying motivations and fears driving dismissive-avoidant attachment can facilitate empathy and compassion in relationships. By creating a supportive and non-judgmental environment, partners of dismissive-avoidant individuals can encourage open communication and foster emotional intimacy. With patience, understanding, and mutual respect, it’s possible to navigate the complexities of loving someone who deals with avoidant attachment and build a fulfilling and secure relationship.


Understanding your relationship attachment style is essential for fostering healthy and fulfilling connections with others. By identifying your attachment patterns and gaining insight into how they influence your behaviors and interactions, you can work towards developing more secure and satisfying relationships. Whether you have a secure attachment style or lean towards anxious-preoccupied, dismissive-avoidant, or fearful-avoidant attachment, self-awareness, and self-reflection are key to navigating the complexities of intimate relationships and fostering greater emotional intimacy and connection.

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